Happy Birthday Brendan!! Missing my Dad

Brendan turned 9 years old yesterday!! Every year seems to fly by. I can not believe he is 9 and next year we hit double digits!! I am not ready for the next 9 years. He is heading into his teenage years. That seems insane!! Okay I know I have a few more years before that but lately he is maturing before my eyes and becoming this young boy that I never thought I would see.

He loved his birthday. We had a family party and he had a blast. He can open presents without any help now...must have the been all those years of practice. I think this was his first birthday that he genuinely enjoyed all of his gifts. Usually we don't even open half of them for weeks because he shows no interest but every single present has been opened and played with.

Maybe we are all learning who Brendan really is or maybe he is just becoming more 'typical' as he ages. I am not sure but I am loving this little boy that is growing up on me. He can play by himself in his room. He watches t.v. in bed and can actually have the remote within reach and NOT press a million buttons. He even shuts off his t.v. by himself when he is ready for bed. The past year has been really humbling for me. So many changes. So many good things. I am so impressed by my own son and I know part of that is due to our parenting and helping him become who he is today and part of that is his determination to be like everyone else.

Before my dad passed away he told me I was doing a great job with Brendan and he knew I had a difficult life. He told me he was proud of me which he never really said to me throughout my life. I am thankful for the last conversations we had. They really helped me let him go. I miss him and these holiday's are not easy. I know my mom must be having a very hard time. I know everything will get less painful as the years go on but right it is very painful. I cried while making apple pie for Thanksgiving because a few months ago my dad told me he meant to text me to tell me how good my apple pie was in hopes that I would make him one. Well I am glad I did make him his very own the next time I went to visit. The little things just pop up and bring sadness to me. I hope that fades. It is hard to even see a picture of him or think of him without crying. I know it has only been 2 1/2 months but it seems like yesterday he was still with us. RIP Dad.